| A series of non-sensical barely-related thoughts |
[18 Nov 2009|12:08pm] |
1/ So Katie Price has been chosen for the third time to do a challenge in I'm a celebrity. As retaliation she has come up with a unique punishment for the viewers who are making her suffer - she will not strip naked. You heard! She's going to keep her clothes on.
Erm... how is that a threat exactly?
2/ I feel a little sorry for the robber who was told he was too ugly to commit crime. Our attitudes to beauty really are spiraling out of control... But does this mean if you're a troll you can get away with murder?
3/ Speaking of beauty... I NEED, WANT, COVET these shoes.
4/ On the subject of murder these last couple of nights I've felt, for the first time, the downside of living alone. The dark has been playing tricks on me. To the point where I've been seeing people other than me in my flat.
5/ Names still keep on surprising me. And it's unfortunate how a completely innocent name can sound incredibly bad in the UK. How would you pronounce Ufuk Koc?
6/ I want to check this comic out: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Spandex-Comic/137375331859. It's my innate curiosity talking. I've noticed my graphic novel collection is slowly on the rise (although it's mainly composed of Batman – I need to branch out some more).
And for the postie who nicked my Batman Hush I hope you get covered in paper-cuts and then touch salt.
7/ I might have also developed a gaming addiction. In three days time I will be the owner of L4D2, Saw and Assassin's Creed 2 on the 360. I'd love to get my hands on Rabbids Go Home on the DSi too, but there seems to be no release for it (yet). Why are video games so addictive? Actually more accurately – why do I keep buying them and then allow for them to collect dust on my shelves??
8/ I fancy doing something completely mad. I was thinking of heading down to the airport and putting myself on standby for the first flight available – just to get out of London for a weekend. It worked in the past...
9/ I'm getting Muse tickets tomorrow on presale for their Wembley Stadium gig next September – is anyone else going? Tomorrow is also the day when I'm going to Harry Hill's show taping.
10/ I've just been challanged to walk-off in my office. Just for saying that I'd have Tyson Beckford over David Bowie.
But right now I need more coffee. And champagne. I feel like celebrating.
So how are you doing?
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| This is the most accurate account of my job |
[17 Nov 2009|12:16pm] |
Where the role of Mamma Bear is played by yours truly, Baby Bear by my students and Papa Bear by my doctors.
Baby Bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table.
He looks into his small bowl.
It is empty.
Who's been eating my porridge? he squeaks...
Papa Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair.
He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty.
Who's been eating my porridge?!? he roars.
Mamma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells,
For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you idiots?
It was Mamma Bear who got up first.
It was Mamma Bear who woke everyone in the house.
It was Mamma Bear who made the coffee.
It was Mamma Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away.
It was Mamma Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen.
It was Mamma Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper and croissants.
It was Mamma Bear who set the damn table.
It was Mamma Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat's litter tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water...
And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-arses downstairs and grace Mamma Bear
with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once....
I HAVEN'T MADE THE F***ING PORRIDGE YET!
In other news the weekend was too good for words. Three parties - Friday on terra firma, Saturday in a roof garden and Sunday on a boat (I can't believe how I've missed some people). Too much alcohol and too little sleep results in a moderately grumpy Polish woman who dreams of tea and her nice warm bed.
And for those of you who are aware of my Twitter messages about the random text messages/phone calls I was getting last night - bottom line - no matter how many times they call/text I still don't know where the fuck Chris is.
Oh and just a reminder - I'm still collecting addresses for Christmas cards here: http://ditzy-pole.livejournal.com/228152.html - comments screened so if you'd like one drop me a note
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| On Christmas cards and wills... |
[11 Nov 2009|11:30am] |
A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said Wish you were here.
But I'm not here to talk about post cards, but Christmas cards. Yes, I realise that Christmas is quite a way away, but I will be jumping country early(ish) December and I doubt I'll possess the ability to write whilst abroad.
So... why not now?
If you'd like a Christmas card please leave your address below (even if you think I have it or should know it by now).
(comments screened)
In other news I'm trying to arrange an appointment with my lawyer before I leave. I've suddenly decided that I need/have to change my Will. The only person to really benefit from my death on my flist is ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) madwitch and I'm thinking that's gotta change. Too much temptation there.
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| Question Time |
[23 Oct 2009|10:23am] |
No matter what people say I approve of Nick Griffin's appearance on Question Time last night. Not just because of Freedom of Speech, but also because I doubt he could win voters over with the complete diatribe he utters. I've seen and re-read some of the comments. Mr Griffin needs some lessons on British law - for starters Holocaust denial isn't even illegal in this country, so him saying he wasn't convicted of it is a moot point...
Baroness Warsi summed his appearance up perfectly:
"I think if this programme has managed in some way to expose the ugly face of extremism and show him for what he and his party are then it may actually achieve some good.
"Let's be clear about this. The BNP do not, as such, have any policies and he, as such, does not have any political views other than a hatred for certain groups of people, so there wasn't that much he could really have explained in detail about his policy agenda."
In short he's a twat.
But now all of you can get a better idea of why I don't want to go back to Poland. A Griffin clone as President and the major ruling party, although the Tic Tac of evil in comparison to BNP, still evil.
I will be ethnically cleansing the population of inner London double tonight.
ETA: I need a holiday. I've just dozed off on my arm at my desk :/ Being angry and going out around is exhausting!
How apt in relation to my weekend plans:
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| I'm no angel, but I'm no Bo-Beep either. |
[22 Oct 2009|09:52am] |
I have to go to Moscow. It is filled with my brain kind.
Moscow mayor to send air force to fight snow
Moscow's mayor is escalating his war on weather with plans to send in the Russian air force to fight snow clouds, in a bid to slash snowfall by one-fifth in the Russian capital this year.
Mayor Yuri Luzhkov, already famous for seeding clouds to prevent rain during parades, will use the air force and air defense systems to intercept advancing storm fronts and hit them with dry ice and silver iodine particles, city officials reportedly said this week.
The idea is to reduce the amount of snow that clogs Moscow's streets and costs the city millions to manage.
I think I have found my future husband. If I had asked him to bring me the moon he quite literally would. What a fabulous man. He shall be the Dr Evil to my Rosa Klebb.
In other news we noticed in the paper the article on how an average Brit will have cheated death at least five times in their lifetime, with the most common escape being just missed by lightning.
I'm no Brit, but lets see in my case...
- I fell out of a 1st floor window whilst I was windsurfing.
- I almost drowned in Italy when I went for a drunken swim.
- The wing broke on my plane shortly after take-off and we needed to do an emergency landing.
- The landing gear failed to open on my plane and we needed to land on foam.
- I had pneumonia that instead of killing me put me in a coma.
That's five already without thinking too hard. So... does that mean I have no more go's? Next time *moves finger over neck*
You want to hear something cheesy? I believe in guardian angels. There are reasons why I wear my purple amethyst ring out on a daily basis and why I haven't taken off my necklace in more than a decade.
Poll #1474694
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: None, participants: 49Do you believe in guardian angels? Have you ever had a near-death experience?
I am about to head into a 3 hour meeting. This is it. Point six. This is what'll kill me.
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| What's in a name? |
[20 Oct 2009|12:25pm] |
Everything.
I have gotten over the horror of being called PikaDitz.
I am still battling on with the moron from yesterday who insists, after repeated corrections, to call me whatever he feels like. Job? Like I'm going to hire you now!
But last night I met a friend for a quick post-work drink. He brought his kid who couldn't quite get my name right. So for two hours I got to listen to calls of Koala.
You can't tell me that I look anything like this. Or behave in a similar manner.
I made the mistake of telling people at work, without even thinking of the consequences. Yes, I am Koala. And my colleague is now fish fart.
For someone who has just been appointed to interview new students for the next academic year and decide their suitability to be a doctor I am shocked by the maturity levels.
So what did you used to get called that got irritating?
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| I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween. |
[16 Oct 2009|10:42am] |
I've decided to go wild and will be attending the Torture Garden Halloween Ball, which for those unawares is one of this fetish clubs main/big events. My big problem is the outfit. It's Halloween so everyone will be all out, but I can't even come up with the basic concept that I'm happy with. I have just about a fortnight to sort this out!
I was thinking of going as a zombie military soldier, but
a/ isn't that a little cliche? and
b/ I would need to go into town to buy my Latex or find a designer who's capable of doing an outfit (or bits of it) in a fortnight.
Although... I do have a pair of six inch heels that would be perfect for it and are just screaming to be worn. And I know a shop where I can buy a gasmask if my make-up goes tits up...
I do love Halloween and dressing up. I really can't wait for the first pumpkins to hit the shops. Those on my FB in the past could see some of the stuff I wore and carved. For those not on there the pics aren't very SFW, but ( here's the pumpkin I carved of the four of us (my old housemates). )
Poll #1471941
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: None, participants: 25Are you dressing up for Halloween? Will you be carving pumpkins or doing any of the other Halloween fun?
If you dressed up what have you worn in the past? I'm hoping this will give me a Eureka idea, which will prevent me from adding more stuff to my wardrobe :)
In other morbid news I bought a Joshua Hoffine NSFW print. Pint, chocolate or dinner for whoever guesses which one!
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[05 Oct 2009|11:54am] |
Thank you for all your messages on my last post, FaceBook, text and MSN. I haven't been able to respond to everybody, but I really do appreciate the support.
I have spoken to my immediate boss this morning asking for compassionate leave. Her response without my asking was to give me time off till the 19th. I don't think I'll be using all that up though.
I just need to clear things with the assistant uber boss, who just walked past me in the corridor and said haha, look at us both in black, it's as if someone died. So, the conversation we'll be having later won't be in the slightest bit awkward...
My flight tomorrow is at 6.30am.
I don't like flying. After being in two near-crashes can you blame me? I always get the feeling that I cannot breathe and feel like opening a window or door to let some air in.
madwitch is coming with me to the airport, partly because she is insane, partly because she wants to make sure I actually get on the damned thing.
For those of you that do fly what do you do to alleviate the stress of it or to pass the time?
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[03 Oct 2009|02:48pm] |
My grandfather just collapsed and died. I will be getting a flight out to Poland as soon as I can.
Never had I known such a selfless man. He raised me for years when my parents had to go off in search for work, always did his best to make me happy, spoiled me rotten, even dragged me around on a sleigh on the sand in the summer, because I was missing the snow. I never could've asked for a better grandfather. I love him dearly and there are no words to describe just how much I'll miss him.
I'm not doing well at the moment. I'm sorry, I need to cancel any plans that I've had for the foreseeable future.
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| I've seen Elmer a lot and that's not unusual for him. |
[01 Oct 2009|12:21pm] |
Reasons number [lost count now] on why I hate dealing with doctors sometimes.
Them: K, you didn’t send *any* information about the patient briefing meeting that was on Monday.
Me: Did you get the patient notes I e-mailed fine?
Them: Yes.
Me: Well the details of the meeting where in the second sentence of that e-mail after please find attached the patient notes.
Them: Oh.
Yes, *oh* fucking indeed. Especially after I had to endure half hour of bitching first.
In other news I’ve decided to get my father a dog for Christmas. He took the loss of my dog a year and a half ago quite hard (well we did have him for 18 years after all) and I think it might be time for him to move on. Plus this will also encourage/force him to leave the house (and leave my fucking games consoles alone - seriously I don't hear from him in like a month and then out of the blue he phones me, no hello how are you, just I'm stuck in Chaos Engine, what do I do?)
Poll #1464928
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: None, participants: 37Which dog would you go for as a day-to-day pet?
He already told me that if he gets a smushed face dog he's calling it Elmer, whereas a long-snouted one will be Parker.
I approve.
ETA: My Dell Studio 15 arrived. Apparently it's not pretty. Off to the MAC shop I go.
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| Reasons why I'm glad I wasn't persuaded to delete my OKC profile the other day. |
[30 Sep 2009|02:07pm] |
Disclaimer: The following exchange could make you feel very sick, especially if you've just eaten or currently have a weak disposition.
Him:
Hi, I hope you dont mind me asking i have an unusual question.....my intention isnt to offend im just curious what you'd do. If you was really attracted to a guy really liked him but he told you he was submisive........and asked you to sit on his face and breakwind would you do it?
Joint work effort hoping to get rid of him - well actually *K* hit send before I could stop her:
yes, but I have been known to follow through and shart
Him:
lol,thats no problem i'd make sure my mouth is open.
Moral of the story: don't try to call anyone out on OKC. They're sicker than you can imagine!
ETA: I do attract the hottest men of all. That doesn't mean you Mr davywavy!
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[26 Sep 2009|06:08pm] |
Lounging around with madwitch and j_u_d_a_s, looking for somewhere to write down our take-out order, I found my old Science notebook.
Can someone explain to me what I was thinking when I wrote this?
Do you engage your hands to do anything unsual?
Well, DO YOU?
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| The lawsuit and the wench |
[24 Sep 2009|10:21am] |
http://uk.news.yahoo.com/5/20090922/tuk-boy-four-dies-in-somerfield-supermar-45dbed5.html
I am missing something from this story.
To paraphrase:
Child was swinging on a steel metal rail. Mother not stopping him, but shopping instead. Child falls, bangs head, dies 10 days later in hospital. Parents suing supermarket for negligence.
Erm.... how? It feels as if something's missing from this story.
From their lawyers: We say that the railing should not have been in that state. What state? Metal?
It seems like a pointless case. I've noticed that whenever something bad happens to people they start suing. It's getting ludicrous. If I weren't so lazy I'd've jumped on the bandwagon too. I am still planning on suing my old PhD boss.
Anyhoo in other news I feel I should come forward/clarify something about my friendship with madwitch. My text message storage has reached it's quota, which meant I had to start deleting them. On my phone it gives me the first sentence of the text without having to open it. These is one side of a quick conversation we had. This is Maddie's side:
- You poor thing.
- I hate you.
- Damn you, woman.
- Haha serves you right.
- Bitch.
- Wuss.
As you can see I am a long-sufferring victim of constant verbal abuse, where any accident happening to my person is apparently well-deserved*. I have finally gained the strength to come forward with this information, although I am now in fear of what she might do in retaliation.**
Send gin.
*Sadly this is a sentiment shared by more. When I almost brained myself on my bedside table my so-called accomplice-in-lounging almost wet himself with laughter.
**Maddie, before you retaliate there might be a body you'll need to help me bury first. ETA: Two bodies now. We're going up in the count. I refuse to have other people exposing my weakness!
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| Question - from observing my office right now |
[23 Sep 2009|02:06pm] |
Why is it a woman's natural instinct to pick up a small child and hold it up in the air as high as possible?
And why does it have to be shortly followed by ultrasonic speech?
Terrific. Make it cry.
Fuck me, how loud do they get???
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| If only genie's granted you the wish to kill |
[22 Sep 2009|10:27am] |
One of my work pet peeves has shown itself again. Look how fun this is:
One of your students puts forward a query, so after consulting with your boss and rules you give them X response. Suddenly an even more senior member of staff replies back (copying all) with response Y, with no basis/reason for giving such an answer, completely negating response X.
Now the whole floor is open for debate, with everyone throwing their two cents in. I've just received an apology from Obs & Gynae, but it would've been nice if they had let me know of what they are planning on doing in advance, rather than finding out second hand from a worried student.
But it does show the level of medical organisation/concern when we receive e-mails in our inboxes asking us not to wander around communal food areas in scrubs & surgical shoes.
Anyhoo I am going to be placing my laptop order today. I have taken medusa_nw's advice and am building my own Studio 15 from scratch with Dell. These are some of the specs I've chosen. I do have a few queries for those tech savvy under the cut.
( My new Dell specs + some queries )
In other news, thanks to failing_angel I saw Val Kilmer in Numbers last night. Kilmer still does it for me. Shame about the show.... it didn't really suck me in. I need some new shows to watch. How much Project Runway and ANTM can a girl watch??? Oh and Inbetweeners. And IT crowd. I almost know them off by heart now.
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| Riddle me this, riddle me that... |
[21 Sep 2009|11:44am] |
There are six people in my pod.
In the mornings we all get dressed independently of each other.
We had a very intense Twilight Zone moment when all of us turned up to work today wearing stripey tops.
So just another 6 hours to go of peoples’ first comment being oh look, you’re all wearing stripey tops. *sigh* Yes, we know. Did you decide this beforehand? No, we did not. Contrary to popular belief we really aren’t that lame.
Although the new comment floating around the office, uttered by a relatively new mum, is: people who have children shouldn't be allowed to work as they are so/too disorganized. What a sweeping generalisation! And if it ever comes to fruition I shall be either creating my own or adopting, whichever works out faster. If I do create my own I have the perfect candidate... last night we were watching Batman Forever... Bruce Wayne/Batman is rather yummy isn’t he?* Well the Val Kilmer version is. You know, I’d have no objection to either. But knowing my luck I’d end up with Jim Carrey’s Riddler.
And then be subjected to years of this:
I will be Amazoning throughout most of the day. I'm very bored. How is everyone?
*I must admit I have no idea where my recent Batman obsession is coming from. Getting Batman: Arkham Asylum on Xbox, The Long Halloween full version graphic novel, the movies, searching for the complete Detective Comics. Something’s not quite right there...
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| The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of his behind. |
[18 Sep 2009|10:55am] |
A tourist is suing a travel agency after she was pushed off a mountain by a monkey.... she said her guide did not warn her about the dangers. The parks's comment was Her mistake was to show fear.
I don't know about you, but if I'm in a foreign country where wildlife roams the hillsides I kind of assume that they're not tame little fluffy bunnies, and anything could happen. I have very fond memories of my time in Sri Lanka, particularly when I was having breakfast in the morning and had a long orange arm reach in through the window and calmly take the food from my plate. It was cutesy and all, especially when it pulled a sheepish face at me, but I wasn't prepared to fight back in case it could rip my arm out of my socket. Sri Lanka to this day remains one of my favourite countries, with Pinnawela a strong contender for my favourite town/area - baby elephants are so pretty ugly I could've played with them all day.
Anyways, after getting some advice on my last post I am seriously considering getting this Dell laptop over the weekend. Just need to decide on a colour. And need to find the motivation to actually go into Central.
Until then, as I am preping myself for the weekend, we are arguing bad TV shows. Airwolf, Knightrider, Cagney & Lacey - they all got a mention. However, Manimal has won hands down. Just read the description. What could be worse than Manimal???
The series featured the story of Jonathan Chase (Simon MacCorkindale), a shape-shifting man who can turn himself into a snake, a hawk, or a black panther, and uses this ability to fight crime.
By modern standards its special effects, though plentiful, are relatively low-quality, not surprising given the time period and other constraints. While Dr. Chase was meant to have the ability to change himself into any animal, in practice his onscreen transformations were almost always into a hawk or black panther, with the exact same backdrops each time, presumably to save on the budget, though on one occasion he was seen becoming a snake. In the episodes when Dr. Chase turns into a bull, dolphin and horse, the actual transformations occur off-screen.
Let me guess - it's a show that everyone and their dog has heard of bar me. Well it sounds so bad I think I need to watch it! That's the one plus about having Sky - channels keep on televising shows from the 70s and 80s that everyone's forgotten about. I do like a bit of Charlie's Angels and Three's Company in the mornings, I admit.
What's your bad viewing pleasure?
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| Let it sleep and me mourn a space. |
[17 Sep 2009|10:03am] |
Last night the unthinkable happened.
I downloaded a Windows update after which my laptop gave out its last contented sigh. Following a reboot it started doing some weird disk repair and now shortly after power-up comes up with a message I have to shut down! NOW!.
Thus panicked, I had to phone everyone and their dog to let them know of the trauma I'm sufferring.
Screw the fact that I can pick up my e-mails on my phone.
Screw the fact that I can log into MSN on my XBox.
Screw the fact that I can surf the net for meaningless trivia on my DSi.
I need my laptop.
After three years of having it I guess it was its time - sounds about right in Windows shelf-life. I am just concerned about all the photos, music and movie files I had on there. I kept on meaning to back them up, but always came up with this and that excuse to do it later. I sincerely hope it's the OS files that are corrupt and connecting the hard drive to another comp will allow me to access the documents.
This was just so unexpected and I'd like to thank three people in particular in my moment of trauma and wine-drowning:
madwitch for taking my mind off things with mentions of Val Kilmer in Numbers. She knows the exact man to use on me to make me drift off :)
j_u_d_a_s for dropping over to aid the mourning/laughing at my elite GH5 skills and with a keyboard for my XBox to cut my typing time from 10 mins per sentence to eight, and most importantly
barty for giving me one of his Snow Leopard MACs on temp loan till I get a new one. This is indeed very kind of him and I gave my word not to do anything to it, although every Windows command that I use does something completely different. I feel like a child at Christmas discovering new things. It'll take a while to get to grips. But it's so pretty! Last night he ran a brief tutorial of all the basics with me and all he wanted in return was tea... But this brings me to the other important matter....
Poll #1458730
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: None, participants: 38I need a laptop for internet, document writing/editing, music and occassional gaming. Should I...
Can anyone recommend any good models? I've had a Compaq and two Toshiba's in my lifetime and they were rather nicely behaved.
In other news, because SKY fucked up my bill they gave me two tickets to see the new Pixar UP a week before general release XD Oh and I have a new default... so a few good things.
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| The living are just the dead on holiday. |
[16 Sep 2009|11:18am] |
One thing about reading CV's that I get is that I keep on forgetting that I am dealing with medical professionals from all sorts of backgrounds. So I really shouldn't be grossed out by statements like this:
responsible for preventing cadaver's from drying out by covering and spraying them, so that they can be re-used
Particularly when I am being dragged along for a prosection either this or next Friday. The words you can get stuck in too never had such a grim and literal meaning to me before.
I'd rather sit here and read about the retarded guinea pig from last night. I couldn't tell whether Sailor Moon girl was trolling or not. Oh Lord, so much laughter! Mind you online last night was just fun in general. I had a quite bizarre Dear LJ dialogue...
Also if you're not on madwitch, momus or lulu_girl's LJ (or FB) you won't have heard that we paid our deposit for eight of us to meet up next year.
This is our villa (with heated infinity pool!):
And this is it's location:
And now madwitch and I are having a clothing crisis. What do we bring? How do we get it there? Does anyone know anybody who owns their own plane?
Oh and how do you help ease your self-inflicted shoulder and backache?
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11 (22.9%)
